I was refereeing two girls small-sided games at the end of the season and those matches could not be more different.
In Game #1, a team played “We Are the Champions” while they were warming up. In Game #2, both teams simply warmed up.
In Game #1, the parents of the team that warmed up playing “We Are the Champions” were wearing Soccer Dad and Soccer Mom T-shirts with the team logo. In Game #2, the parents were not wearing any specially-made T-shirts.
In Game #1, the coach told his team that they needed to win the game to become division champions. No such commentary was made in Game #2.
As an experienced ref, I easily recognized that the coach was overemphasizing winning in Game #1. But the coach’s attitude was much better in Game #2. And if there was a discipline issue during the match, it would much more likely come in Game #1 rather than Game #2.
The best player on that team in Game #1 never came out of the match while the best player on the team in Game #2 was substituted, even though she is the coach’s daughter.
The squad in Game #1 won their match and I overheard the opposing coach say to his players to try and cheer them up, “We played well but we simply lost the game.” The other coach had his winning team in Game #1 hold hands and run over to their parents who were applauding them. Then the players started singing “We Are the Champions” which includes this line of “No time for losers because we are the champions of the world.” And how do you think the other team that lost to them felt?
The squad in Game #2 won their match as well and the coach said to them, “Congratulations, girls, you are division champions.” That was the only time during the entire game that playing for a championship was mentioned. No songs and no T-shirts.
The Math is very simple: Only one team can win the match but both teams should be having fun. When winning replaces fun and fundamentals as the goal, issues arise such as unhappy players and parents when they do not win which in turn causes problems for match referees as they are often targeted during the frustration in not winning. We lose many refs every year due to teams overemphasizing winning.
Nobody should be making winning the ultimate goal at any age but particularly in the Girls-Under-9 and Girls-Under-10 age groups that these games entailed. If your child has a coach who overemphasizes winning, it’s time to find a new coach.
As we will soon kick off the Fall Season, applaud good play by both teams and make sure your kids have a good coach who cares about them and that they are having fun. The rest will take care of itself.
